Let’s Talk About Red Lipstick
Photo by Önder Örtel on Unsplash
Hi beautiful people,
This week I wanted to share an experience I had just before Christmas which really triggered me.
I had gone to a Christmas charity event and as always there were a few stalls selling different things.
I had a walk around the stalls and spoke confidently and happily to the stall holders.
Then, I cam across a make up stall and there were 2 very glamorous ladies behind the stall wearing gorgeously applied make-up and beaming smiles. They were very welcoming and began to talk about the different make-up they had on their stall, including lipsticks.
One of the ladies suggested a red lipstick for me.
I could feel my confidence evaporate and I suddenly felt as though I had gone back in time to being a small child; having no self-esteem, no confidence, no visibility, no voice. I felt crushed. I wanted to runaway and hide (something I did a lot of as a child and early teenager).
I said that I couldn’t possibly wear red lipstick. That I had NEVER worn red lipstick.
I was wearing a red dress at the time and they said it would look fabulous with the dress. I pointed out that I wouldn’t be wearing that particular red dress every day and so it would be pointless having a red lipstick.
I tried a few other shades on my hand and finally after around 20minutes I bought the red lipstick!!
OMG!! What was I thinking?!!!
The ladies invited me to go to the ladies toilets to apply the lipstick and go back and show them.
HELP!!
My nervous system by now was all over the place.
I went to the ladies and applied the lipstick. I could see and feel my hand shaking.
I remember thinking; what if I don’t apply it properly? What if I look ridiculous? What if everyone stares at me, thinking, what the hell is Lynn wearing on her lips? What if people laugh? What if people make fun of me?
I had suffered all of this as a child, teenager and grown woman and felt really scared that I would experience it all again.
My little girl had resurfaced with all her shame and all her ‘not being good enough’ or ‘pretty enough’.
I made a mess of the first application and had to start again.
I was in the ladies’ loos for what seemed ages.
Finally, out I came. I couldn’t return to my seat unless I walked past the make up stall. So, I walked over and showed them the applied red lipstick and they loved it!!
I walked to my seat and felt self-conscious but nobody said anything, nobody commented, nobody laughed, nobody stared. A lot of people did comment on how fabulous I looked and how much they admired the dress.
Since, this event, I have worn the red lipstick several times, and each time I feel so good now. I hold my head up high and have a spring in my step.
I did some inner work with my little girl.
I have never been a make up person.
I do wear it but have never been influenced by it.
As a child I have ALWAYS been shy of standing out and didn’t do anything to attract attention.
Red lipstick would have been one of my biggest fears and this is why I was so triggered.
I didn’t want any attention.
I didn’t want to stand out.
I didn’t want to be seen.
When I processed what had happened and what was behind it, it all made perfect sense.
I share this story with you because despite all the work we may do on ourselves, it is still possible to be triggered by something deep within our sub-conscious.
By noticing how we are feeling and what we were doing at the time and what our thoughts were we can go deep within and process the event and get to the cause.
I am a work in progress and always will be.
I hope by sharing this story that it helps you to recognise how it can be so easy to get triggered. And how, if you only would take the time, that you too can do the inner work and continue to learn about your triggers and dive deep as you move forward on your journey to self-love.
Sending you all so much love from my heart to yours.
Lynn
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