Do As You Are Told

Hi beautiful people,

I have just enjoyed a lovely Bank holiday weekend here in the UK and rested with no social media.

I have read books, watched films, and yesterday I spent my day visiting my family.

First my mum, then my son and then my sister.

Each of them with different stories to share with me.

Each of them with different experiences of the weekend.

Each of them with their own struggles and each of them with their own joy.

This morning as I was preparing my breakfast I thought, ‘What shall I share today in my newsletter & blog?’

And it came to me that when I was driving home yesterday, after my day of visiting, I heard the phrase, ‘Do as you’re told’.

I remember being told this a lot when I was growing up.

If I asked questions, I was told, ‘Do as you’re told’.

If I didn’t agree with something, I was told, ‘Do as you’re told’.

So, I grew up doing as I was told.

The impact that had on me growing up was that I stopped asking questions, I stopped having my own opinion. I stopped speaking up.

I became, compliant. A people pleaser. A good little girl.

This behaviour followed me into my adult life.

I didn’t ask questions.

I didn’t voice my own opinion.

I agreed with everything and everyone to keep the peace and be a good girl. A good wife. A good daughter. A good sister. A good mother. A good and compliant everything!!

When I was studying for my degree at what is now known as Bolton University, I remember writing my very first assignment and concluding with, ‘I will leave it to the experts’.

My tutor slated me for that! He gave me a very strong and powerful telling off and told me that no-one is an expert and nobody else’s opinion matters more than my own and that I have a right to my opinion, as do others and that I should ALWAYS speak up and say what my opinion is no matter what.

That, was a REVELATION!!

I had not been taught this in school.

I slowly began to write my assignments with more confidence, and always concluded with my own opinion.

I taught my two sons (who were 5 and 7 at this time), to have their own opinion. I never told them to do as they were told.

Since then, and to this very day they have both always stood up for what they believe in. And have never been afraid to voice their opinion. Even in the most adverse conditions, they have always spoke up.

I am proud to have shared this gift with them.

None of us like being told what to do.

And when we are small, our parents think they know best and pass on to us mostly what was passed on to them by their parents.

However, we do not have to accept their beliefs.

We can form our own.

We can let go of the beliefs which do not serve us.

We can stop believing that we have to do as we are told.

I didn’t have the courage to do that when I was small.

So, in order to stay safe, I complied.

I shall always be grateful to Bill, my tutor at Bolton University, who was the first one to teach me that my opinion mattered. That what I believed mattered. That I mattered.

My hope for you is that you have found your Bill.

And if you haven’t, then I invite you to allow me to be your Bill.

Sending you all so much love from my heart to yours.